Dear Reader,
It is with great despondency that I must inform you that the collection you have stumbled upon is almost completely dedicated to the Baudelaire orphans, the Quagmires, several unpleasant people, several pleasant people in unpleasant situations and an organization that may or may not be watching you at this very moment.
Most unsettling things can be learned by browsing through this collection of bits and pieces of evidence and sorrow. Read at your own risk.
With all due respect,
An unknown researcher of
The Volunteer Fire Department
• Ask me anything
— Duncan Quagmire’s last words to Klaus Baudelaire before he was kidnapped by Count Olaf and his associates
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